Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
