Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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