just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
