guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
