and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
