I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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