im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
