yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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