Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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