best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
