So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
