What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
did you just send me my own nude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
