you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
