ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
