Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
