dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
