I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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