Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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