Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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