The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
