In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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