Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
