I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
