She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
