The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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