All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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