she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
