Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
