I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
