Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
