Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
