He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
