I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
