I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
