In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
