Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
