I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
