I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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