Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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