i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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