Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
