if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
