like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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