so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
