I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
