thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
