i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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