I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
