im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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