you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
