i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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