I bet he comes in French.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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